That magic feeling of equilibrium between opposing parts of our lives – it’s something nearly all of us are chasing, but the verdict seems to be out on whether work/family balance truly exists.

There are the believers, who say they’ve achieved it, harmoniously moving from boardroom to preschool STEM camp without batting an eye. And then there are the rest of us, caught somewhere on the continuum between skeptic and simply exhausted, running the hamster wheel of life and trying desperately to calibrate some sort of symmetry between work responsibilities and family time. Is this a race we can win? Maybe it all depends on how you set your expectations.

On the surface, work/family balance might seem black and white: the ability to spend equal time and energy on your career and your family. That’s a tall order, though, and maybe it’s why so many parents feel they are failing at it. What if, instead, we aim for work/family significance; that is, in finding meaning in both of these parts of our lives? Here’s what it might look like:

Setting Achievable Goals

You won’t do yourself any favors by trying to be everything to everyone. Instead, focus on where you can have “wins” both at work and at home. Maybe you can’t coach your daughter’s soccer team and take on the special project that requires weekend work. Instead, shoot for attending every soccer game and finding a way to give a needed assist to your colleague working long hours on an important team project.

Focusing on Mental Health

If you let outside influences be your guide as to whether you’re achieving work/family balance, you’ll always feel like a failure. After all, your neighbor’s Instagram posts aren’t a representation of real life – just the posed highlight reel. Instead, look inward and focus on your mental health. If you’re feeling a lot of stress about one area of your life, spend more energy there for a while. 

Recalibrating Often

Both work and family responsibilities will always be a moving target. That’s why it’s best to think about your life as a sliding scale. Sometimes, you’ll have to spend more time and energy on work endeavors in order to find meaning there. At other times, increasing feelings of the dreaded “mom guilt” might mean you’ll need to give more to your family life for a season. The important thing is to realize that work/family significance isn’t a destination, but an ongoing journey that will change over time, meaning you’ll need to reevaluate and recalibrate often.

Work/family balance – or significance, if you begin reframing it that way – will look different for everyone. If you set goals that are achievable for your unique circumstances, look inward instead of outward to judge your success and continually make adjustments to suit each season of your life, you may very well find yourself a believer.

You don’t have to live your life on the hamster wheel, chasing some objective idea of “balance” that does more harm than good. Instead, focus on the subjective goal of finding significance and meaning in all parts of your life.

It’s honesty time, moms and dads. You love your kiddos more than anything, but you’re at your wit’s end most days, right? Life feels like a high-speed chase in a runaway train headed toward a perfect storm of busyness, irritation and distraction. You’re keeping the train on the tracks, just barely, but you know it could veer off the rails at any moment if you start to lose your grip.

This frenetic, uncomfortable state describes daily life for many American parents, and it’s an incredibly stressful way to live. It’s also causing many of us to compromise on our parenting ideals simply in an effort to get through the day.

Luckily, parenting doesn’t have to feel like this. You can turn your runaway train around by embracing the concepts of mindfulness and mindful parenting; that is, an approach designed to make parents and their children happier, calmer and less stressed. Here are five tips to help you integrate mindful parenting right now:

1.   Focus on living in the moment.

For busy parents who are always rushing from one thing to the next, it can be difficult to be fully present in any aspect of your life. Embrace the very essence of mindfulness by picking a few moments each day where you allow yourself to just be, rather than doing something. You’ll soon feel better able to focus on what’s right in front of you – namely, your kids – and find more joy in your interactions with them. If you feel yourself becoming distracted by your to-do list, make a conscious choice to be in the present instead.

2.   Ignore emotional triggers. (This is how to stop yelling!)

When you’re focusing on living in the moment, you’ll be more in touch with your emotions – and with what triggers outbursts and yelling. You can still allow yourself to feel intensely annoyed when your toddler defiantly dumps soggy Cheerios on the living room carpet, but you can learn to control your response so that you handle these challenging moments in a more constructive way. The idea here is that you learn to respond, rather than react. 

3.   Learn the bedtime “body scan.”

Is bedtime the most challenging part of your day? If your child fights sleep or has trouble falling asleep even when you know they’re absolutely exhausted, bedtime can be stressful and emotional for both parents and children. The popular mindfulness practice of “body scanning” may help. Talk your child through focusing on each part of their body and releasing the energy inside so that they can begin to feel relaxed and let sleep come more easily. (Bonus: this can work wonders for adults, too!)

When we embrace mindfulness and let it inform our parenting, we can become happier, calmer and less stressed – and our kids can, too! Mindfulness won’t make you a perfect parent, but it may encourage you to be in the moment, control your emotional reactions and help your kiddos live less frantic lives, too.

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